We at Admin Arsenal are finalizing plans for our various formal paid support options. Here are some that we are considering*, please vote in the comments for the one you would prefer for your organization.
|Talc||$1/year||Whenever||Sympathy. Talc support includes an agent who will commiserate with your problem. There won’t be a resolution of any kind, just someone who will ‘understand’ what you’re bitching about.|
|Shale||$5/year||Within a month or so||Response will always be, “We recommend you upgrade to the next level of support.”|
|Obsidian||$100/year||Week?||List of competing products that don’t have your unimportant problem.|
|Patina||$100/month||72 hours||Guaranteed referral to “my supervisor.” 8th supervisor offers refund.|
|Silver||$100/week||24 hours||Answer to your question.**|
|Gold||$100/day||30 seconds||Answer to the question you should have asked.|
|Platinum||$100/second||8 hours before you ask||Air-dropped consultants guaranteed to correct issue.|
* Actual support levels will most assuredly differ from these proposals.
** Answer not guaranteed to be correct.