Dear Oracle, Dear Ask

If you’ve ever seen Mean Girls, you’ll remember Gretchen Weiners’ futile resolve to subtly inject the word “fetch” into the group’s vernacular. After numerous attempts, Regina finally has enough, and squashes Gretchen’s hopes. 

mean-girls-ask-toolbar

That’s how we feel about the online installer of Java trying to get you to install the Ask Toolbar on your machine. (our Java packages DO NOT have Ask Toolbar bundled). Inspired by this reddit post, I decided to write open letters to both Oracle and Ask. 

Before I begin, I’d like to take a moment to announce that our Ask Toolbar uninstaller package no longer requires Pro Mode and is now free for any sysadmin to download and deploy. Use PDQ Deploy to remove Ask from your infected target machines.

Alright, here we go. 

Dear Oracle,
Please stop. Stop trying to make the Ask Toolbar happen. Java is perfectly fine without it. Consumers of Java applets are fine without it. Old people who call their tech savvy grandchildren to remove this red-circle-‘Ask’ thing from their homepage are especially fine without it. Go back to the days when your runtime was just a runtime, and not packaged with bloat. You can amend your ways. We hope you do.

Dear Ask Toolbar,
If you were an actual person, I’d protect and defend you from the bullying and taunting you so deserve. But you’re not a person, you are a bane of society, a wart on the tech community, and you certainly don’t warrant any sort of defending, whatsoever. Go away. Go away and never return. If you’re a developer or a project manager for the Ask Toolbar, the Ask Partner Network, or whatever your department calls it self: quit. Please. You can find a better job. For reference, a better job includes janitor work, MLM salesperson, Ask Toolbar ex-employee support group leader. Anything. Until then, Admin Arsenal will do everything to make sure that your abysmal loatheware stays as far away from our users’ machines as possible.

 

Dear blog reader,
If you haven’t seen Mean Girls yet, and you enjoy the comedy of Tina Fey, then I recommend watching it.