My new years resolutions – a common sense rebuttal


Bursting Adam's bubble

Photo by Eileen Goodwin

You know how one has license to say anything bad about another person so long as the observation ends with “bless his heart” (modify pronoun appropriately)? Well, I thought a little common sense should be applied to Adam’s New Years Resolutions post especially considering that Adam is suffering under more delusion than usual, bless his heart.

Adam: Write at least one source code comment per month, whether the code needs it or not.

Common Sense: Oh c'mon. I say you double your total number of comments. (2 x 0 is still 0)

Adam: Clean my keyboard.

Common Sense: The solvent has yet to be invented, let alone available for civilian use, that could even begin to clean that thing.

Adam: Replace keyboard since the only thing making the contacts work is years of grime.

Common Sense: Why must you disparage 
grime?

Adam: Finally give that poor, illiterate kitten I keep seeing online a cheeseburger.

Common Sense: Put it on the Todd Margaret kitty food plan.

Adam: Empty my computer’s trash folder.

Common Sense: AKA - Zeroing out your disk

Adam: Come to terms with the loss of that one file I had in the trash folder that wasn’t backed up.

Common Sense: You mean the one titled alt.bin.sex.plush? You'll never get over that one, bud.

Adam: 2 words: Learn to count.

Common Sense: Marked improvement. Well done.

Adam: Create my own Internet meme by “accidentally” posting an embarrassing video of myself online.

Common Sense: We'll believe it is an accident if this time you don't set up mirror sites to handle the expected bandwidth.

Adam: Vociferously deny that because my embarrassing video was posted last year so it doesn’t qualify.

Common Sense: Just delete the comments...it'll make it appear new.

Adam: Say no to a relative needing assistance with their computer.

Common Sense: You see, you got too aggressive. You've just set yourself up for failure. Too greedy, man.

Adam: Who am I kidding, keep helping relatives but be a little whinier about it.

Common Sense: *nods supportively*

Adam: More stridently lobby the government about general lack of flying cars.

Common Sense: How about, "only get two DUI's this year". Start out small, brother.

Adam: Celebrate one month of World of Warcraft abstinence by going on a raid (repeat every month.)

Common Sense: Sooo, business as usual? I'll bring the Hot Pockets.

Adam: Fix something that ain’t broke.

Common Sense: I believe this was already covered in admitting you'll help relatives with technical assistance.

Adam: Finish work early at least once and see if there really is a glowing orb in the sky during the day.

Common Sense: You'll just end up worshiping it. Stay inside. Please, for the love of my god, stay in doors.

Adam: Never again be caught without a good blog post idea.

Common Sense: Hear Hear!