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The Flask and the Furious

Shane CorellianShane Corellian

As a system administrator, when you are called to the 8th floor to show the one company hottie how to pull the plug out of her computer please take one piece of advice: Don’t eat solid food while you’re up there.

My experience shows that many Sys Admins seem to chew their food as if they are on the third round of taste testing peanut butter. If you must have an oral fixation on this service call, take a Coke, or water or, even better, a flask. For you Python heads, I’m not talking about YOUR type of flask, I’m talking about the real flask. The kind your grandfathers used to carry. The kind that stopped bullets and still held the whiskey.

We should go back to the days of flask. If you’re lucky enough to work with a company that allows alcohol to be consumed on premises, then, well, you’ve already won. Take a nip and get back to work. For everyone else, go buy a flask, put some whiskey or Ouzo or whatever you want in there. You wanna look like a bad ass? Well, screw it. You’re a geek… you’re not going to look good. Well, actually, wearing an eye patch with your flask…hmmm, that might restore your reputation after your ass-cheeks shine forth like Cherubim when you’re under a desk connecting all the cables. The flask\eye-patch combination will remind your co-workers that if they continue to screw up their computers they’re going to be visited by the one-eyed curmudgeon with the flask. For women sys admins, don’t worry, every guy you visit on a tech call is already emasculated without you having to don any props, let alone a flask. As far as women Sys Admins helping female customers… you’ll probably run into the Queen Bee Syndrome. As a guy I’ll tell you straight up… “yeah, you’re on your own with that one.”

Anyway, I digress. The flask represents Freedom. Not only does your flask tell your co-workers that its not all about them it tells them it tells them that they are lucky, NAY, blessed to have your attention, however fleeting, at this moment. You will get direct answers. You see frightened swallowing. You may even see beads of sweat. Harness their fear. You may also get a call from HR but that’s another blog…

Yes, I carry a flask. Yes, I keep it filled with Jack Daniels. Yes, this next one’s for you. Now pull your up those pants, close your mouth when you chew and for god’s sake turn down .38 Special blaring on your computer. It’s getting embarrassing.

I hope you all still have a daily diversion. Get on Cracked or The Onion or BBSpot or any number of humor sites. Hey, did you see this one from Cracked?

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