Top 21 ways for your IT department to make some real money

How to make back your IT budget cuts.
Photo by crosathorian

We’ve heard the screams of pain due to budget cuts in IT.

It’s time to reverse that trend. So forget the bake sales or management dunking booths and let’s go for some real coin.

Top 21 ways to raise money for IT.

  1. Help Desk line now a 1-900 number
    $2.99/minute
  2. Building Access Card works on first swipe
    $115/month
  3. Inbox size increase from 10MB (est. 2001) to 10GB
    $25/year/inbox
  4. Using ‘Reply all’ in email (per name in To:)
    $0.25/instance
  5. Using ‘Reply all’ in email (per name in cc:)
    $1.25/instance
  6. Using ‘Reply all’ in email where IT staff is in cc: or To:
    $15/instance
  7. Access to Marketing VP’s 1.4 TB pr0n archive
    $9.99/minute
  8. Access to Marketing VP’s pr0n archive (without IT watching through VNC)
    $35/minute
  9. Helpdesk having to ask “is it plugged in?”
    $0.05/instance (estimated monthly revenue: $51,000)
  10. Helpdesk sending someone down to actually plug it in.
    $55/instance
  11. Enable bcc: (per name)
    $.10/recipient
  12. Display bcc: recipients on email you received from your associates
    Highest Bidder
  13. Answer questions about home computers
    $85/incident
  14. Add URL to Proxy white list
    $50/URL
  15. Non-snide response to “but I didn’t change a thing!”
    $25/response
  16. Discontinue remotely killing your solitaire games
    $10/month
  17. Discontinue remotely starting solitaire as your boss walks by
    $49/month
  18. Deploy software request fulfilled within 24 hrs.
    $10/computer
  19. Details of co-workers divorce wage garnishment
    Highest bidder (plus a little something for HR)
  20. Disable email Read Requests
    Highest Bidder
  21. My promise to NOT quote The Big Lebowski during help desk support request
    Depends on mood

Perhaps Walter Mathau said it best:

“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”

We feel your pain out there. IT has long been the whipping child of the bean counters. Speaking of bean counters, if they start bugging you, wait until their manager is standing by their desk and then use Admin Arsenal remote commands to open a website. Have some fun. Open it to monster.com or the company that’s not Amway.

Cheers,

Adam, Shane, and Shawn


Follow us on Twitter: @AdamRuth @ShaneCorellian @ShawnAnderson
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