Top 8 Sys Admin Colognes and Perfumes

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Photo by 20th Century Fox
What many of our co-workers do not realize is that a lot of us in the sys admin world do, in fact, use healthy amounts of cologne and perfume. Here are a list of my favorites that I have run across as I meet my fellow system administrators:
  1. WMI Access Denied Mist – A rich blend of Green Monster and Cheetos. This cologne is known to leave an orange residue on your fingers and, subsequently, on your keyboard as you try and figure out the damn WMI security.
  2. Essence of Registry – Get lost in the blend of Outlaw Beef Jerky and room temperature black coffee (Folgers, of course).
  3. Infinity by Loop – This is the scent that, like the flawed routine you wrote this morning, will never, ever end. The ingredients are a hodge-podge of Mongolian BBQ mixed with some Kimchee your co-worker swore you’d love.
  4. Gamer by Gaultier – Oh yes, the cologne of gamers.  Forget old-school BO and flatulence – we now have Pizza Pockets and Natty Lite (or whatever else your roommate has to drink in his fridge).
  5. Hommes Taches de Traspiration (Men’s Perspiration Stains) – This French cologne will ensure your legacy as the go-to-guy for all things BASH. Free, at no extra charge, you will safely avoid offers of promotion into management.
  6. Stallman by Richard Stallman (self-explanatory).
  7. LDAP by FCUK – The French Connection finally came through with a perfume that the ladies will love. Spritz this little joy on your neck at your next Microsoft Tech-Ed appearance and watch the booth babes weeping from loneliness as you run to the nearly deserted Women’s restrooms to plan your ultimate exit strategy.
  8. UAC by Satan – This is the first cologne whose main ingredient is profanity. Mix in a 5th of Jack along with an open letter to Management extolling the virtues of Linux and you have: UAC by Satan.